Is there something wrong with me?
That is something that you always think about. You don’t know where this comes from and you are not able to figure it out as well. Everything is perfect, things are fine but there is this unsettling weight in your chest about the things that you have not done like - go on a solo trip, make your own decisions without thinking about the consequences, finding your the ONE, sing your heart out in public and daydream about becoming famous like that. There are so many things, and maybe this weighs you down and then even when you have the time to do things you do no do them - instead just sit down think about all of this while music is playing in the background and that is it. You just think about it. But you also do not have the guts to do it - you don’t know what is stopping you. What to do with this kind of a feeling?
Could it be because you are waiting for something to happen or for someone to take over your life like money wise and decisions wise and then you can do whatever you have aspired to this day. My main question here is that - why can’t I do it? What is it that is stopping me? Why am I so underconfident about everything. Like for instance - I wanted to make this blog for quite some time - since the past 6 years - and this is the time that I have actually made it. See how utterly useless that makes me? I can do whatever I want in my power, and everyone even says that - but why do I sit like a blob?
Maybe sometimes things cannot be explained? It is a feeling and maybe when someone amazing comes along everything might just seem right? Who knows? You just lay there without friends, working from home not even trying to make friends in that direction let alone find your knight in shining armor - how is this going to work? It is not like if I wish it then it will happen, I have to make it happen, it does not work like it does in movies and romance novels.
This is why I hate being a day dreamer - the worst thing is that I imagine everything and nothing happens in real life. How amazing and frustratingly annoying.