There are so many things that someone might want and they never get it. Or maybe they had it all along, they knew it is important and when it goes away it feels like that whole world has shattered. Yes - this is me being dramatic, but the emptiness and sadness and inability to feel anything else apart from that… is devastating. It seems impossible to overcome these things, and the only peace that you get is from drives, staring at the moon, going to the beach etc. Those moments of silence helps you cope but then coming back home feels strenuous as well. This heaviness has its own heaviness - ironic isn’t it?
All of this makes you think - why did it have to be this way? There are a lot of reasons in your head which seem like a good enough reason, but then being an avid daydreamer you want to dismiss them all. Which realistically is not possible. Everything even the menial tasks seem like a lot of burden right now, it seems impossible to take your mind off of all the 1000s of things that are going on in your head. All those things which you should not be worried about. Also things like talking with your family feels like a burden, you are cranky when you talk to them - it feels wrong. But that is all you can feel. And the best words I can think of right now are the ones in FINNEAS’s song “Love is pain”. It is utterly perfect.
Something that got over way too soon for anyone’s liking. Especially me.