All the people you know and have shared it to say that you are right - there was no place you were wrong. It is just a difference of ideologies. Which might be true - but that one incident that happened in sixth grade has been haunting you since then - they way your parents reacted; the way you reacted to the situation; the things that you put into resolution; - all of them come to haunt you. And the worse part is that she says you are fine, this happens, and you have done nothing wrong. But then why does it feel wrong? Something that I was never supposed to do? Something I have to refrain from? Something that I am not ALLOWED to feel.
You have kept it that way since you were a child, and then everyone mistakes it for determination, knowing what you want, strong, independent, disciplined and something ideal. But on the inside you know all the things you have suppressed because you always felt guilty of feeling things. So you keep on doing the things that someone perfect would do, doing all the things that others expect from you and then you are there, just existing - not doing anything you want to do and then daydream about all the things that you want to do. You dream about life, the what ifs, your knight in shining armor, your desires, your love interests, the things that you have seen in movies and everything in between. At the end what do you end up doing? You write about it, maybe cry a little because your hormones are low, and then sleep or just do a different chore that needs your attention. That is all - that is how you survive. That is what you have done and have always done and you do not know how to get out of this vicious circle.
Maybe this is how your life was meant to go - move from institutions to institutions, maybe work a little and then get married and then move on in life with the expectations of your spouse and his family then. So that is it - that is what I did in life.
How amazingly funny all this is! Three cheers for a person like me who has always been stupid and still is with twenty-six years of experience on this planet. How amazingly frustrating and still you would not do anything about it.
Congratulations to yourself for achieving nothing in life. Congratulations!
Update:
So basically what you are doing is that you are punishing yourself - actually have been for god knows what reason. And this is the only way you have known to live, you don’t know what to do next or even what to do now. And amidst all this you do not even know who you are; you do not know yourself; you do not know what you want in live; and to top it all you can’t even make your own decisions. You need atleast two validations for any decision that you make - also those decisions are not yours. Someone just told you something and that is what you have known and are now living by - not even doing anything apart from that. Not trying to make your own mistakes, always doing what is proven to be good and impactful and being the best for everyone else but not yourself. You will make and take all the risks, use all your creativity and apply all your brain if you have to do it for someone else. It does not matter if you care about that person or not - you would just do it because you think maybe that is what is needed; maybe that is what the person needs; maybe because you want someone to do that for you.